If you're watching professional basketball and thinking about turning on the NCAA Women's Championship game (Yo Candace, I saw the long sleeve tee you wore), chances are you're watching the Bulls play the Cavs for the 100th time. The Eastern Conference may not have had a ton of big name players come in at the deadline and is obviously a three-team race to the Finals, but it still has some players.
If the Playoffs began today, these are the match-ups:
1 Celtics v. 8 Hawks
2 Pistons v 7 Raptors
3 Orlando v. 6 Sixers
4 Cavs v. 5 Wizards
3 Magic v. 6 Sixers--
First off, how the f*ck(!!!!) did the Sixers sneak in? I know the East is bad and all, but Thaddeus Young is their power forward for Christ's sake! They are playing a fast up-tempo game and have taken down some of the NBA's elite. I don't think they have the pedigree to win against the Orlando Magic, but I'd tune in to watch AI part duex and Co run.
The Magic have the scariest dude in the NBA in the paint, a fast over achieving point guard and a foreign guy who has played like the homeless man's Scottie Pippen. I think they'll win the series in 5, but will be too wide eyed against the Pistons in the Second round.
4 Cavs v. 5 Wizards--
Historically, adding Wally Szcerbiak to your roster isn't a good idea. Historically, adding Delonte West to your roster is a hood idea. LeBron should be allowed to pretend this NBA Live and enhance his teammates ratings. Without LeBron, this team is pulling a Miami and trying to get B-Easy. Because Lebron James might in fact be the "Black Jesus" (eventhough Amare has it tattooed on his neck--He rules), he could take this team to the NBA Finals again. Then again, the other team might realize Ben Wallace, Joe Smith, D-West and Wally World are out there and play a box and one, with the box on LeBron.
The Wizards have a fighting chance, in fact I'll pick them to beat the Cavs. The Hibachi is back and firing, and Tough Juice and Jamison have gotten better playing without their leader. This team is dangerous in the back court, and shitty in the front court (Andray Blatche anyone?)
2 Detroit v. 7 Toronto--
Bill Simmons was once asked- "Give me a roster that is good enough to make the playoffs, yet bad enough to get knocked out." His response was the starting line-up for the Raptors. Chris Bosh is a pussy and their super sixth man is fucking Jason Kapono. If they put this series on TV, I just might watch the WNBA Draft.
Detroit, yyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn. You know the story, "They play as a team", "They're tough and experienced.". All things the PnR hates. Fuck it.
1 Boston v. 8 Hawks--
If all is right in the world, the Hawks sweep the Celtics. They have J-Smoove, Double J, Al Horford and Mike Bibby. They also have some fresh bench players like Marv Williams and Josh Childress. They are straight hood, and play like it's a pick up game. Give them two years and they're the 2 seed in the East. Plus, I don't wanna hear about how good the Celtics are anymore in the East. It's like being the smartest retard.
On the other hand, the Hawks are retarded. They have zero basketball IQ and rely on athleticism and raw abilities. If it was up to PnR, that would win championships. The Celtics have one of the top defenses in the league and also lead the league in FG%. Paul Pierce put the additions of KG and Ray Allen perfectly in the summer. I read it in SLAM basketball magazine.
Pierce: "We've been on teams where we've had to carry a lot of the load, for a number of years, and you all know, you can't win that way". SLAM responded by translating what that really meant: "Or at least none of us could win that way. LeBron seems to be doing pretty well at it".
I hate all the hype they get but The Celtics will probably advance to the NBA Finals (and play the Spurs. That's when I chug a handle of Crow and try to pass out before it all begins).
Eastern Conference Awards:
MVP- KG, he proved to be the most valuable by coming to a team that was so horrific last year and made them the number 1 seed in the East.
Best Player- LeBron James, you could make a case that he is the NBA's most valuable for carrying such a shit team. I'm just going off the impact KG had on his team's record. Lebron is by far the best player in the East and won the MVP at the ASG this year.
Coach of the Year- Mo Cheeks, he got the f*&*ing SIXERS to the playoffs. Doc Rivers was handed a title. Oh my gosh, Doc Rivers had to manage 3 superstars (who are some of the easiest to manage because they're so humble) and make them happy!!!! Mo Cheeks had a bunch of immature players that doesn't have a single All-Star and sneak them into the playoffs. He created a system where his team could be competitive, and should be rewarded.
ROY- Al Horford, a double double average on a playoff team. Pretty impressive. He also provides the toughness on a finesse team.
Defensive Player of the Year- Josh Smith, he averaged almost 2 steals a game and is second in the NBA in shot blocking with 2.5 a game. He is versatile and long enough to defend positions 1-4. KG made a case, but I'm going off stats and J-Smoove's were more impressive.
6th Man- Louis Williams, he is a gunner off the bench on a playoff team averaging 11 ppg. Jason Maxiell of the Pistons was the runner-up but PnR favors flashy gunners. Sorry Jason.
Biggest Winners- The Miami Heat, I'm sure D-Wade is really hurt while he is sippin on vodka at the bars. Shawn Marion probably has some kind of condition he needs to be smoking all that weed for. OR there is a certain guy that goes to school in Manhattan, Kansas that can change a franchise. The Miami Heat's current roster couldn't even win in the D-League. At least next year they'll have Wade, Marion and Beasley. They'll be a team to watch next year.
White Guy You Love To Hate- Brian Scalabrine, the guy averages more fouls a game than rebounds. Plus he makes 3 million a season to ride the exercise bike in the hallway during Celtics games. On a side note, I also hate him because he was the leading MVP candidate of the league (averaging 31, 4 and 6 steals) before going down with a 5-week bone spur injury. Damn you Scalabrine!
First Team Eastern Conference
G LeBron James- 30 pts, 7 rebs, 7 ast
G Paul Pierce- 19 pts, 5 rebs, 4 ast
G Caron Butler- 20 pts, 6 reb, 4 ast, 3 stl
F Kevin Garnett- 19 pts, 10 reb, 4 ast
C Dwight Howard- 20 pts, 14 reb
Second Team Eastern Conference
G Chauncey Billups- 17 pts, 6 ast
G Ray Allen- 17 pts
F Josh Smith- 17 pts, 8 reb, 3 ast, 3 blks
F Antawn Jamison- 21 pts, 10 reb
F Chris Bosh- 22 pts, 8 reb
The stars of the East are definately comparable to the West, its just that the other players are so damn average. Whoever wins the West will win it all. I must be a genius.
Why sail with Captain, when you could fly with the Crow?
-ML
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
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1 comments:
Yo, u have a typo in your coach of the year choices. Mo Cheeks needs to be inserted where you say Doc Rivers has no All-Stars on his team. No biggie though. Glad you didn't put any all-stars on the East team from non-playoff teams because they don't deserve it.
--Floss
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